A Good Day

Well, Tim and I made it back to Illinois to enjoy the last two days of our scheduled get away.  Although it was a little shorter than originally planned, it was still good.  Wednesday, in particular, was a good day.

We decided to go to Iowa (only 20 min. away) to the National Mississippi River Museum and Aquarium.  A very interesting place to learn about wildlife along and in the River.  They also had a 4D theater showing a couple of movies.  It was supposed to be $19 each for admission and one movie, and we decided to do that, even though our budget was a bit tight due to the unexpected hospitalization of Mason again.  Well, the Lord was working it all out.  Before we left, I remembered that I held a zoo pass with reciprocal privileges at certain other zoos/aquariums, and National Mississippi River Museum offered a 50% discount for my ticket.  Then, as we walked in, a volunteer came up and offered us one of his free tickets for the day.  So it only cost us $15.50 total for our experience!

We had such a nice time there, and it wasn't crowded!  We saw paddle fish (only place they are now found in the wild is in the Mississippi) and got to see them feeding.  They are just docile, kind of boring fish until they eat.  Suddenly their jaws drop open (sort of disconnect like a snake's), and you see this glowing filter inside their huge mouths.  Then they just swim around letting everything filter into them that they need for nourishment.  Looked sort of alien.  Paddle Fish Eating   The 4D movie was about bugs in the rain forest, and it was really amazing.  The only part I didn't like was when a spider stealthily dropped from the ceiling into my face due to the great 3D (thankfully no 4D for that part - had rain and rumbling seats a few other times).  Tim didn't like the spider part much either, as he ended up a bit deaf from my shrieking, and probably had some grip marks on his arm!

Later, we found a great deal on some yummy food at a Casino across the street from the museum.  We have found that most Casino's offer really good food at reasonable prices, as they don't want the gamblers to have an excuse to leave the facility!  After eating, we headed back to the condo to rest a bit before attending a magic show Wednesday evening.  The theater only has 24 seats, so it is a very intimate setting with lots of audience interaction (I didn't tell Tim that part until after he agreed to go LOL).  Even sitting 3 ft from the magician, we still couldn't see how any of the tricks were done.  I even got to participate in one with a little car named Dennis.  Below is my picture with Dennis and P.T. Murphy, the magician.

Home, Crazy Busy, Trying to Relax, To the hospital, and (hopefully) home again soon!

Wow!
10 days.
That's all, but my life has been like this.

Day 1 - Mason home from hospital on June 3rd
Day 2 and 3 - trying to catch up on sleep, plan for summer school, planning my first ever professional development presentation, and helping Jarrett pack/purge
Day 4 - wrote a grant with the help of a colleague to help fund some much needed work on social and emotional learning with some students, meeting with a group of teachers, water aerobics
Day 5 - meeting with Jarrett at Mephibosheth (agency in charge of the new home Jarrett will move to on June 18), dinner with family in Fort Wayne
Day 6 - first day of summer school, nails done, water aerobics
Day 7 - present BreakoutEDU at WISE conference in Wabash, IN (note to self - DO THIS MORE) - I absolutely loved it, loved the connections I made with new and old colleagues, and got a chance to do some learning myself as well, pack for getaway
Day 8 - 2nd day of presenting BreakoutEDU, leave for getaway with my dear husband, arrive at condo around 11pm, fall into bed exhausted
Day 9 - 4am phone call that Mason is holding air in belly and throwing up, spend the next several hours trying to coordinate medical care for him, he ends up going to hospital by ambulance as Tim and I pack and head to him, meet up with Mason at Methodist Hospital in Indiana around 7pm
Day 10 - discover there is not a perforated bowel (phew), Mason seems fine, need a scan of Indiana pouch and should be dismissed with treatment plan - and that's when I began to lose it...

I don't even know how to put into words how angry I was when the nurse came to tell us that what was described to us as very simple procedure by the doctor wouldn't get done today because the radiologist working didn't feel comfortable doing it.  Ugh!  Really!  Then why are you working at a hospital?  So, at 1:00 today, we went from feeling like we would get home with Mason with a plan to avoid anymore air in the body cavity this evening, to being assured we would be staying the night.  I admit, I didn't handle it well, and I hope I am forgiven for snapping at the nurse (yes, I have apologized).  So, Tim went home to get some good rest so he can bring the van back tomorrow so we can take Mason home, hopefully.  Now I just am praying that the scan gets done early in the day.

It took me a LONG time to let go of the anger.  Now, if you know me well, you know that I rarely become angry at the circumstances surrounding Mason, but today I was.  I was angry at God.  I wanted to know why my Father was letting this happen.  I wanted to know what Tim and I had done to not deserve to have a weekend of peace and quiet to heal and recover from everything that has been going on in our lives.  I was just plain angry.  I don't like that feeling, as it eats at me and doesn't let me move on.  Then my mom called, and I spoke to her a bit, and she gave me some good advice (and just loved me through the phone), AND I CRIED.  I really needed to cry, but I was afraid to lose it at the hospital where anyone can walk in at anytime.  So listening to my mom while I cried helped me keep it minimal, but I cried.  And when I got done, I was still angry, really angry, but the healing began.  My mom had made a joke to me about not worrying about the cost of the food in here (ridiculous by the way), and at the time it was just something in passing.  But then, about a 1/2 hour ago, when I went to get some food ($15 for a grilled cheese, snack, and drink -  I must say it was the best grilled cheese I have ever eaten), all my heart would let me do was pray for everyone I passed on the way.  So many hurting people, so many circumstances, so many needs.  BUT. . .
at least we had a place to be with our needs, at least I can afford the ridiculous prices here and feed my body while my child heals, at least there is air conditioning here, at least there are people praying everywhere, at least. . . .AND. . .suddenly, I wasn't angry anymore.

I am so thankful God let me be relieved of the anger, as I can feel his peace again.  I can't remember another time in my life where I couldn't find at least a drop of the peace that passes all understanding, and I don't ever want to not be able to find it again.  Because that itty bitty drop of peace, it spreads so quickly, flows so smoothly to fill me with the Spirit of my Lord.  I feel Him holding me, rocking me, letting me know that He loves me, NO MATTER WHAT, and NOTHING, NOTHING, can ever separate me from His love.  There aren't words enough to thank My God for that!

Blessings!

The Best!

I completed 26 years of teaching this year.  In some ways it feels like that can't be true, and in others it feels very true.  This was also one of the best years I have ever had, despite the medical issues we were dealing with as a family.  I felt re-energized after attending a GAFE (Google Apps for Education) Summit in mid April.  I was trying so many new ideas, that in some ways it felt like my first few years teaching.  However, there was this one 7th grade student I had who was the child of a student I had when she was in 3rd grade. That was enough to remind me how "young" I am!I am truly going to miss my outgoing 8th graders (now in high school)!  They are a unique, caring, amazing group of individuals who I wish nothing but the best for.

I enjoyed all of my 8th graders, but the girls hold a special place in my heart.  In my home, I am the only girl, so I enjoy getting to know the girls I teach in a special way.  They notice my new hair cuts, nail colors, and outfits.  They share in ways that boys don't.  Not better, just different, and I enjoyed it so much these last two years.  One young lady brought me to tears with her gift to me.  You need to know the whole story.

Kourtney touched me from the moment I met her.  She has resilience, courage, and perseverance far beyond her age.  She has had more surgeries than a young person should have to go through.  But what I remember most about her is her smile.  I love her smile!  She is a genuinely caring a happy person, but rarely busts out in a big smile.  She wants to make sure she knows you well before she shows you that.  Part way through 7th grade we connected, and then the smiles began.  She is so quiet by nature, but I got to hear her laugh this year, a lot.  Many times at my expense (I don't always perform exactly how expected when at school), but always appropriately so.  I went to see her horseback riding, and she asked me when I was last on a horse (most likely when I was a small child at the pony rides at the zoo).   Kourtney is a beautiful girl, inside and out and when riding, she SHINES.  Her physical difference is no more, she is simply a gorgeous being on a horse.  She knows what she is doing and is confident.  It was so nice to see her in that environment. I also mentioned that when I was young I dreamed of running a unicorn farm until I realized they were imaginary; then I wanted to have a horse farm. Neither dream lasted long.

A couple of weeks after our trip, a "Fairy Garden Unicorn Farm" showed up for me at school.  Kourtney had taken it upon herself to make my childhood dream come true.  It is, hands down, the best tangible teacher gift I have ever received.  I will treasure it and think of her.  And I hope she thinks of me, in the wind behind her, encouraging her to reach every dream she has.

He is home! Again!

I am so tired, but so happy that Mason is home again.  It was a long exhausting day.

My husband's parents always volunteer to drive whichever one of us is home to the hospital on discharge date, so someone can ride in the back with Mason on the way home.  Today was no different, but the trip was.  As we entered Indianapolis (thankfully off the interstate), the vehicle just died.  Battery was fine.  Starter was turning over.  But it wouldn't re-start.  So, we called a tow truck, found a service station, and let Tim know where to pick us up.  Thankfully, Mason was sound asleep so it wasn't a problem for Tim to come get us (only about 15 min. from hospital).  We got the car to the service station, went back to the hospital, had some lunch, and waited for Mason's discharge to be completed.  We waited 2 hours.

God had it all planned, though, as shortly before we were ready to leave the hospital Tim's dad got a call that his vehicle was ready to go (just under $600, but cheaper than a new car as Ray said).  We loaded Mason and began the trip home.

Now everyone is home.  Everyone.  And I will just relish in that for a moment, praying it lasts a while this time.  I've seen enough of hospitals this year!

Thanks for continued prayer!

My Heart in Hiding No More

Have you ever known God wanted you to do something, but tried to ignore His voice?  I have, and it always gets me in more trouble than I need.  And that trouble could have so easily been avoided.  I have learned over the years that I am better in God's will than out of it, and so I listen (at least most of the time).

This blog is something the Lord has been (I can't find a positive word for nagging) me about.  It all started earlier this year when my middle son, Mason, was hospitalized for a long period of time.  In fact, for 2016, he has spent more days in the hospital than out of it (and so have his parents).  During one of the hospitalizations, I listened to Mason moan in pain for over 12 hours and felt helpless as the doctors couldn't figure out what was causing his pain.  It was in that moment that I felt the Lord nudging me to open my heart.  You see, when you are going through something terrible, it is easy to hide your heart.  It is easy to not let those who love and care for you know how much you need them.  It is easy to let everyone think you are fine, when you clearly are not.  Well, at least it seems easy.  However, all of that "easy" takes its toll - on energy, on relationships, on faith, on the quality of your life.

So I posted on Facebook how drained I was, how helpless I felt, how much I needed to know people were praying.  I knew they were, but, frankly, at that point, I needed slapped in the face with it.  And the messages came.  And came.  And came.  And sweetly, the peace that passes all understanding, wrapped its arms of love around me and let me revel in its calm.  I felt my Lord's presence in a way I had never quite felt before. All of this because my heart came out of hiding.

I felt God nudging me to blog shortly after that, but didn't feel I had the strength.  I thought I should wait until the crisis was clearly over so that no one would think I was just blogging because of MY need.  So, I convinced myself that later was fine.

However, LATER, Mason was hospitalized again, and it was scary, and horrible, and I was so exhausted, and spent.  But it was the last week of school, so I pulled myself together (hiding my heart again), went to work, and saw my students off.  I know my friends knew how I was feeling.  I know my family wished there was some way they could do more.  I know I was surrounded by prayer.  But I stopped asking, again.  (Yes, my brain knew what to do, my heart knew what to do, yet still I resisted - good thing God doesn't wield a board or He would have used it to thunk me in the head).

Today, Tim and I traded at the hospital, and I am home again.  I was so tired when I got home, I really didn't want to do a thing but sit around and feel sorry for myself.  As I was sitting around, I decided that I really should "get up off of that thang".  I decided to go to the YMCA for water aerobics.  I must tell you about this wonderful group I began working out with in January.  I absolutely LOVE the teacher, Mari, as she motivates me to move.  She is also a servant of the Lord letting Him work through her.  I knew just being in class would cheer me up a bit.  And all it took was Mari being happy to see me and genuinely concerned that I had missed class again for me to open up about Mason.  She immediately shouted out to the group my prayer need, and said we would all pray together at the end of class.

Now, imagine this.  Twelve of us, in our swimsuits, in the pool, at the YMCA, gathered together in a watery prayer circle.  All of this while the people waiting for aerobics to be over so they could go swimming just waited patiently on the sidelines (probably some of them praying with us).  Good thing we were in the water, because my tears of love were making sure the pool stayed full!  It was beautiful.  All I could think of was Mathew 18:20 "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."  Even if it is at the YMCA, in a pool, and everyone in a swimsuit!  Thank you Jesus!  That would have been enough, but God had more in store for me.

This beautiful woman, I think her name was Sila, started singing in the locker room (with only her towel on her).  I loved it!  I told her I would gladly sing along, but didn't know the song.  She then started singing Amazing Grace. . .I did join in.  After that we sang another song (the name escapes me).  Just two women, who didn't know each other, getting dressed in the YMCA locker room, whose Lord brought them together at just the right time.  She prayed over me before we parted ways.

My heart will be in hiding no more!  This blog is where you can find it.

Much love!

Kara