Wow!
10 days.
That's all, but my life has been like this.
Day 1 - Mason home from hospital on June 3rd
Day 2 and 3 - trying to catch up on sleep, plan for summer school, planning my first ever professional development presentation, and helping Jarrett pack/purge
Day 4 - wrote a grant with the help of a colleague to help fund some much needed work on social and emotional learning with some students, meeting with a group of teachers, water aerobics
Day 5 - meeting with Jarrett at Mephibosheth (agency in charge of the new home Jarrett will move to on June 18), dinner with family in Fort Wayne
Day 6 - first day of summer school, nails done, water aerobics
Day 7 - present BreakoutEDU at WISE conference in Wabash, IN (note to self - DO THIS MORE) - I absolutely loved it, loved the connections I made with new and old colleagues, and got a chance to do some learning myself as well, pack for getaway
Day 8 - 2nd day of presenting BreakoutEDU, leave for getaway with my dear husband, arrive at condo around 11pm, fall into bed exhausted
Day 9 - 4am phone call that Mason is holding air in belly and throwing up, spend the next several hours trying to coordinate medical care for him, he ends up going to hospital by ambulance as Tim and I pack and head to him, meet up with Mason at Methodist Hospital in Indiana around 7pm
Day 10 - discover there is not a perforated bowel (phew), Mason seems fine, need a scan of Indiana pouch and should be dismissed with treatment plan - and that's when I began to lose it...
I don't even know how to put into words how angry I was when the nurse came to tell us that what was described to us as very simple procedure by the doctor wouldn't get done today because the radiologist working didn't feel comfortable doing it. Ugh! Really! Then why are you working at a hospital? So, at 1:00 today, we went from feeling like we would get home with Mason with a plan to avoid anymore air in the body cavity this evening, to being assured we would be staying the night. I admit, I didn't handle it well, and I hope I am forgiven for snapping at the nurse (yes, I have apologized). So, Tim went home to get some good rest so he can bring the van back tomorrow so we can take Mason home, hopefully. Now I just am praying that the scan gets done early in the day.
It took me a LONG time to let go of the anger. Now, if you know me well, you know that I rarely become angry at the circumstances surrounding Mason, but today I was. I was angry at God. I wanted to know why my Father was letting this happen. I wanted to know what Tim and I had done to not deserve to have a weekend of peace and quiet to heal and recover from everything that has been going on in our lives. I was just plain angry. I don't like that feeling, as it eats at me and doesn't let me move on. Then my mom called, and I spoke to her a bit, and she gave me some good advice (and just loved me through the phone), AND I CRIED. I really needed to cry, but I was afraid to lose it at the hospital where anyone can walk in at anytime. So listening to my mom while I cried helped me keep it minimal, but I cried. And when I got done, I was still angry, really angry, but the healing began. My mom had made a joke to me about not worrying about the cost of the food in here (ridiculous by the way), and at the time it was just something in passing. But then, about a 1/2 hour ago, when I went to get some food ($15 for a grilled cheese, snack, and drink - I must say it was the best grilled cheese I have ever eaten), all my heart would let me do was pray for everyone I passed on the way. So many hurting people, so many circumstances, so many needs. BUT. . .
at least we had a place to be with our needs, at least I can afford the ridiculous prices here and feed my body while my child heals, at least there is air conditioning here, at least there are people praying everywhere, at least. . . .AND. . .suddenly, I wasn't angry anymore.
I am so thankful God let me be relieved of the anger, as I can feel his peace again. I can't remember another time in my life where I couldn't find at least a drop of the peace that passes all understanding, and I don't ever want to not be able to find it again. Because that itty bitty drop of peace, it spreads so quickly, flows so smoothly to fill me with the Spirit of my Lord. I feel Him holding me, rocking me, letting me know that He loves me, NO MATTER WHAT, and NOTHING, NOTHING, can ever separate me from His love. There aren't words enough to thank My God for that!
Blessings!
No words. Just love.
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